A British company is developing a computer chip that stores music in women's breast implants.
This is being considered a major break-through and will solve a perennial problem:
Women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
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Think about this:
Arizona Highway Patrol
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The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal embedded in the side of a cliff rising above the road at the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of car was unidentifiable at the scene. Police investigators finally pieced together the cause. An amateur rocket scientist had somehow gotten hold of a JATO unit (Jet Assisted Take Off, actually a solid fuel rocket) that is used to give heavy military transport planes an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala out into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to the car, jumped in, got up some speed and fired off the JATO!
The facts as best as could be determined are that the operator of the 1967 Impala hit the JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was established by the scorched and melted asphalt at that location.
The JATO, if operating properly, would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds well in excess of 350 mph and
continuing at full power for an additional 20-25 seconds. The driver, and soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become irrelevant for the remainder of the event. However, the automobile remained
on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing the tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles and impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock.
Most of the driver's remains were not recoverable. However, small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater, and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.
Epilogue: It has been calculated that this moron attained a ground speed of approximately 420-mph, though much of his voyage was not on the ground.
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REASONS WHY ALCOHOL SHOULD BE SERVED AT WORK:
It's an incentive to show up.
It reduces stress.
it leads to more honest communications.
It cuts down on time off because you can work
with a hangover.
Employees tell management what they think,
not what...management wants to hear.
It helps save on heating costs in the winter.
It incourages carpooling.
increase job satisfaction because if you have
a bad job, you really don't care.
It eliminates vacations because people would
rather come to work.
It makes fellow employees look better.
Bosses are more likely to hand out raises
when they are wasted.
Salary negotions are alot more profitable.
Suddenly, burping during ameating isn't so well
ahh! embrarrassing.
Employees work later since there's no longer a
need to relax at the local bar.
It makes everyone more open with their ideas.
Everyone agrees they work better after they've
had a couple of drinks down the hatch. gulp!
Increases the chance of seeing your boss naked.
The janitor's closet will finally have a use.
sitting on the copy machine will no longer be
seen as "gross."
The slaphappygoodnews is:
Employees no longer need coffee to SOBER UP.
NEW and Slaphappy!
Peek in on this job interview: Three applicants at the same office.
The first one goes in for his interview and the interviewer says,
"What's the first thing you see when you look at me?" The guy says,
"That's not too hard, you've got no ears."
The interviewer says, "That's it, get out, you'll never be seen
around here again." The second man takes his turn and is asked
the same question. The applicant replies, "Uh, you've got no ears."
The interviewer throws the guy out, cursing and yelling that he'll
never get a job with his company. As he is leaving, the second guy
warns the third guy, "Listen man, whatever you do, don't say
he hasn't got any ears. He's so touchy with the ear thing." "Okay,"
said man #3 on his way into the office. Once inside he is told,
"Name the first thing you notice when you look at me."
The guy answers, "That's easy, you wear contacts."
The interviewer was flabbergasted, "How on earth did you know t
son?" "What? Are you stupid? I've got Slaphappynews for ya!
You can't wear glasses, you've got no ears!" Hear This!
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